Writing Down Under

Searching for Sophia

Making Women Public Property

Dying to be Beautiful

Why do we want to be beautiful? 

     But what has happened to feminine wisdom? And why has it disappeared? Can it be recovered? While stories of womanly wisdom have been told in myth and legend for millenium, much has been deliberately ignored and certainly suppressed by history. In order to understand feminine strength then, one must ferret out and listen to the stories of the oppressed, the minorities, the outcast ones.

     Dan Brown’s much talked-about and criticized ‘The DaVinci Code’ has aroused the general public’s curiosity for questing the Holy Grail, which by the end of the book is revealed to be the simple and singular quest to sit and worship at the bones of the outcast one, Mary Magdalene.

     Painting her as a woman of ill repute, the Church fathers left the real Magdalene out of the Holy Scriptures, completely stripping her of power. But few realize that around thirty years ago the Roman Catholic Church, quietly but officially, released a statement refuting its historical assertion that the Magdalene was a prostitute, revealing that there is in fact, no scriptural basis for the belief. It was merely a clever ploy by a patriarchal system to vanquish feminine authority and strength. While Dan Brown never suggests that his work is anything but a work of fiction, some of his ideas correlate closely with the Gnostic Scriptures, particularly the Gospel of Mary. In this gospel Mary’s original state is that of ‘equal’ to her bridegroom, Jesus, who never intended for her to be subjugated. According to Gnostic Scriptures, which were suppressed by the early Christian Church, Jesus planned for his ministry to be passed on, not to Peter, but to Mary Magdalene. That is, for the foundations of his ‘church’ to be laid not by Peter the Rock but by Jesus’ own companion (and some say wife), Mary. This feminine power must have posed a huge threat to male authorities; so they robbed her of power and clothed her in shame. Mary, the forgiven prostitute who must never forget her place, was subject to the oldest trick in the book – the casting of sexual aspersions upon her character.

Who is Sophia?

     In some ways Mary Magdalene’s predicament mirrors the legend of Sophia, feminine god of wisdom who, according to Gnostic lore, was alienated from the heavens by her own desire to seek the light.

     As a parallel to the human psychological condition Sophia is the higher self or spiritual soul. The lower self, or psychological ego, can be likened to the aspect of Sophia that split off when she becomes alienated from the Fullness (also called the Father). Hosts of divine beings populate this Fullness, having emanated from its pure love and Sophia, the youngest, is furthest removed from the Father’s light. With all her heart she yearns to be near it and as she searches, she thinks she spies it in the distance, not realizing it is only a reflection in the depths of the Abyss.

     Thus deceived, she begins her downward spiral, toppling further away from the Fullness and deeper into the Abyss. But at the outer Limit she is stopped by another power – Horos – and in the event her nature becomes divided; one part becoming enlightened and ascending back to the Fullness; the other remaining alienated and sorrowing.

     This lower Sophia cries and rages against her fate and from her pain issues a hybrid form of consciousness – a kind of egotistical monster called the Demierge. Believing he operates entirely on his own the Demierge designs his own kingdom - our universe - a flawed world created by a flawed being.

     What this creator of our world can’t comprehend is that Sophia can and does continue to operate through him and is responsible for imposing the only true beauty and harmony we know. But the Demierge remains doggedly unaware of any God/s above him and convinces his own creations - us - that he is the One True God. Though Sophia remonstrates with him, he keeps his creations in ignorance, blind to any collective unconscious.

     Yet within the Fullness the other divine beings want Sophia back and plead with the ultimate Godhead to allow them, the high aeons of the Fullness, to join forces in an attempt to rescue her. These high beings include the Holy Spirit, the Christos (Christlight) and Jesus, Sophia’s Heavenly Bridegroom who must strengthen her for her return. Sophia perceives the light of the Christos shining on a huge cross and longs for home. (Note that while the exiled soul longs for home, so too do the divine beings long for the return of the soul.)

     In and of the darkness, Sophia has enemies – largely arrogance and ignorance – and these pursue and plague her right to the gateway of the Divine Light (the Godhead). She must call out repeatedly to the Light until her bridegroom Jesus leads her, finally, to her seat of wisdom.

     It is significant that Sophia must be strengthened by her other half – Jesus. Her predicament is the same as ours; it is the loss of wholeness. We need both the Christ and the Sophia.

Where has Sophia gone?

     Gnosticism was suppressed in the third and fourth centuries as the Western Church subjected Sophia to deliberate neglect. In both the Old and New Testaments, Sophia is referred to simply as ‘wisdom’, no longer a divine being or emanation from God. Even today, despite the rising popularity of a goddess culture, the original Sophia, who is a totally spirited being, has little to do with the sexualized images of the goddess as she appears in feminist and new age philosophy. Current thinking would try to convince us that everything female and mythic is Sophia but in her primeval form, she is androgynous, genderless. She remains unrelated to modern images, even though her name has been pilfered for their use.

Will she return?

     Our earth would experience far-reaching benefits as a result of balancing masculine and feminine energies. Since man’s urge is to conquer and woman’s to nurture, an enhanced respect for the sacred feminine in all its aspects would be reflected in a deeper respect for the natural environment. The need for dominion would diminish in direct proportion to the increased desire to live in harmony. A rise in feminine strength would see a decline in brutality of all kinds, from child abuse and rape to the plundering of third world resources.

     No matter what one thinks of gnostic philosophy, there is no doubt that the earth is an imperfect and struggling creation. But today there appears to be a collective calling, a spiritual gathering together of people, particularly women, who feel as Sophia did; as aliens in a flawed world. Witness them in Internet forums and discussion groups; find them newly unfolding their tentative ideas in new literature, reinventing ways to pass on feminine strength and wisdom.

     The concept that seems to underpin the resurgence of the feminine is the need to break down the walls that divide us; the competition that exists between women – young against old; the beautiful (at least in the eyes of the world) against the not-so-beautiful; the haves against the have-nots. There is a push to break down this illusion of elitism for it is almost certainly an illusion. Why it was created and who created it is a subject that would alone fill several books but its existence is understood by all women. It keeps us alone, isolated, afraid. It prevents us from trusting one another, from sharing our stories, from reaching out to help our sisters. Ultimately it keeps women from becoming a formidable force, one that is destined to redress the many imbalances of our physical and spiritual world.

     But the native women are restless. They are waiting; we are waiting for the return of Sophia. Not to oust her masculine equivalent, the Christ, from his throne, but to join him in healing the world. The question remains, ‘Will she be accompanied and strengthened by her masculine consort?’ Will we? Or will the dominant masculine force once again crush and oppress, ignorant that he destroys a hidden part of himself, the answer to his ultimate fulfillment?

© Melinda Jensen 2009

(Protected under a Creative Commons Licence as the intellectual property of the owner/author.)

A woman’s experience of the world is intensely public. Our very forms of dress are designed so that at no time are our personal body parts kept private in the way that a man’s body is kept to himself. At all times our breasts, hips, legs and faces are up for public male scrutiny since men are allowed to stare at us in a way that women are not permitted to stare and men are not permitted to do to one another.

A male to male stare is most likely to produce an aggressive response in reaction to the invasion of privacy and to the (correctly) assumed perception of judgement. It is instinctively understood that this is a violation and power play, one against which women are not permitted to defend themselves. At the end of a ‘normal’ day it’s not uncommon for me, and others like me, to feel emotionally violated and yet we’re told to view this unwanted attention as complimentary. We’re supposed to enjoy it; be flattered by it; and grateful to the man who has passed judgement on us.

Television, movies and magazines perpetuate the smokescreen. At any time of night or day there are dozens of images of female flesh, almost invariably young and scantily clad; and if not young, then cosmetically doctored or virtually enhanced. Our men pass judgement on these objects as well, while we sit and squirm, feeling inadequate and often, emotionally betrayed. (And woe betide the woman who breaks her silence on this issue!)

Is it any wonder that so many women shy away from physical intimacy, hiding their ‘normal’ bodies and making excuses for their lack of interest. As Naomi Wolf points out in her book, ‘The Beauty Myth’, if men were subject to the kinds of imagery and judgement that women experience umpteen times a day, they would come to our beds with failing hearts. It would be our partners, not us, who turn off the lights, get undressed in the dark and duck for cover under the sheets before they could be seen as the unique piece of humanity they are. That is, if we’re truly to turn the hypothesis on its head, they wouldn’t look anything like sixteen to twenty year old boys, half starved of nutrition, pumped up with obsessive exercise, doctored by cosmetic surgery and even then, airbrushed into society’s definition of perfection.

Seen in this light, our position is truly ridiculous and the men who, by their participation in this destructive situation, if only by their complacent acceptance of the ‘norm’, are also ridiculous.

© Melinda Jensen

(Protected under a Creative Commons Licence as the intellectual property of the owner/author.)

     I deal with multiple chemical sensitivities on a daily basis. Having been an allergy sufferer all my life, I found myself in a speedy downward health spiral about fifteen years ago. One of the first things I noticed was an inability to tolerate perfume. The next step involved intolerance to fragrance in any form at all, including in deodorants, body lotions, moisturisers, shampoos, conditioners and air fresheners.

     I began a quest for fragrance free everything - not a simple task, particularly before the organic movement really found its feet. But I managed, oddly enough by going back to basics like shea butter, rosehip oil, lustre creme shampoo (can't buy it anymore!) and pot pourri made from all sorts of herbal Mel-blends. However, as time went by, cutting out fragrances wasn’t enough. I had to avoid an ever-expanding list of chemicals and shudder to think how many dollars were thrown away on toiletries, cosmetics and hair care I'd bring home and couldn't use.

     Symptoms ranged from dizzy spells, headaches and nausea to chest pain, muscle weakness and irregular heart beat. It can get scary.

     Next came the aversion to household cleaning products, which led me on a search through health food stores and other suppliers of environmentally friendly goods, all of which are catastrophically expensive. One would think the absence of dozens of chemicals would lower the prices not raise them...but not so.

     Shouldn’t they be indicated on the labels of products we buy? Well, yes they should – but more often than not, they’re either left off because they’re not an ‘active’ ingredient or the print is so tiny it can’t be read. Just because an ingredient isn’t the active one doesn’t mean it’s not harmful. In fact, some inerts have frightening toxic profiles with known detrimental effects on human neurological and immune systems.

     Naturally, a list of chemicals doesn’t mean anything to the average consumer, even if we can read it. Cosmetics, acne and anti-aging treatments are among the worst offenders. The chemical cocktail inside your night cream could literally kill you. I urge you to study the labels and look up the toxic profiles of all ingredients, which can easily be found on the internet, before you buy. Take a magnifying glass if you need. (Yes, I’m very embarrassing to shop with.) And remember that while some data is available for individual ingredients, no studies have ever been done on the chemical mixtures that must inevitably invade our bodies and bio-accumulate in our tissues. What we do know is that they tend to become extremely concentrated and sadly, the highest concentration is found in human breast milk.

     One of the most useful sites I access regularly is ‘Skin Deep’, a safety guide to cosmetics and personal care products brought to you by researchers at the Environmental Working Group.

     In their own words:

Skin Deep pairs ingredients in more than 25,000 products against 50 definitive toxicity and regulatory databases, making it the largest integrated data resource of its kind. Why did a small nonprofit take on such a big project? Because the FDA doesn't require companies to test their own products for safety.

For detailed information on the toxicity of cosmetics and personal care products, visit the Skin Deep website.

     After years of negotiating the chemical maze on my own, I began to uncover nests of other ‘canaries’ who, like me, find it hard to survive in the civilized world. I use the term 'canaries' for a very good reason as it's these cheerful little birds our ancestors took down the coal mines to act as barometers for toxic gas levels. The poor critters were left in dingy mines overnight to see how they fared and the miners’ first job of the morning was to check the canary cage. If the bird was stiff on the bottom of the cage, it meant toxic levels were dangerously high and the men left as fast as their legs would carry them or risk the same fate.

     We human canaries perform a similar (unwanted and unasked for) duty for the human race. Let no one tell you that chemicals can't kill you. They can. It's just that it's generally a slow and insidious process, one that's difficult to link to its source. Many death certificates signed out as cardiac, respiratory, liver and kidney failure are stating only the final clinical outcome. And of course, hundreds, if not thousands, of chemicals are potent carcinogens.

     There's no doubt that human canaries are falling off their perches in droves. The prevalence of unexplained illnesses like Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis and other auto-immune diseases is rapidly on the rise. In the United States alone the incidence of asthma rose from around 8 million in 1980 to around 20 million in 2002. The civilized world may be living longer than previous generations but it isn’t living as well. Today’s ‘healthy’ population would do well to heed the warning before toxic levels reach the point where they kill off whole cities…or worse.

     What can you do then?

     You need to change your environment when and where you can, lower your own consumption (via inhalation, ingestion, absorption) of as many chemicals as possible. Stop slapping it on your faces, pasting it onto your hair, painting it on your nails and spraying it around your house and garden. Avoid pesticides like the proverbial plague - they're just as deadly.

© Melinda Jensen

Beauty
What is it? And why do we crave it?

Virtually every woman wants to be beautiful – almost without exception. And yet, every woman also wants to be free of it. To be free from the endless quest for perfection, the daily inspection of our faces and bodies by men and women we both know and don’t know, the constant invasion of our bodily privacy. We are, quite simply ‘open for inspection’. (How did that happen and why did we let it?)

We also want to be free from the moment by moment introspection we impose upon ourselves; the magnification of our own perceived flaws; the conviction that we are never good enough and the obsessive rituals we perform in the name of beauty. It’s tiring and anxiety laden.

But most significant of all, the hundreds of women I’ve known and spoken with over the years, want to shed the fear they experience at the hands of their own lovers and husbands. There is a lifetime of betrayal in every glance he gives another woman, every time he comments on someone else’s beauty. The most common theme I hear is that we don’t want to be the most beautiful woman in the world…we just want to be the most beautiful woman in the world to him. Anything less brings that stab of fear we recognize as a response to emotional betrayal. Many women experience this emotional betrayal as acutely as they would experience the betrayal of a physical affair.

How Women are Valued
In our superficial society women are valued almost solely for their looks. The highest paid amongst us, despite any inroads we may think we’ve made towards equality, belong to the display professions – models and actresses. Money equals value. Attention and status also equal value.

To understand why we yearn to be beautiful, we need to look at the responses to examples of our cultural standards of beauty (which, by the way, exist on shifting sands). How do people respond when a ‘beautiful’ woman walks into the room? Men’s heads invariably turn – away from the woman he’s with – and whispers of desire follow the object of admiration. Sadly, a lot of these men are in relationships and yet, seem blissfully unaware of or uncaring about, the pain they cause their loved one. It would take the most stoic feminine soul not to feel inadequate when this happens; not to fear that her partner might prefer this passing stranger to her, despite all the time and love and effort she’s put into her relationship with him.

I walk on dangerous ground here, inundated as we are in the current climate, by accusations that women are simply insecure. If that is true, then half the population of the world is in serious emotional and cognitive strife. I don’t buy it.

Sadly, survey results have revealed what we women have always suspected – that if many men could be unfaithful with a beautiful woman without their wives or girlfriends finding out, they would. It’s a sobering thought to realize that love and fidelity can be defected so readily on the basis of one quality, a quality that is due solely to the luck of one’s genetic heritage –  how we look. No wonder women are miserable about their faces and bodies. No wonder age is terrifying. As Naomi Wolff reflects in her book, The Beauty Myth, women die twice – first as beauties and then as human beings.

So the need for beauty is based on all kinds of fear; the fear of our own limitations and perceived flaws; the too big, too small, too short, too tall, too fat, too thin and God forbid, too old; and sadly, the fear of loss.

The years scare us despite the wisdom and joy they’ve brought us. Instead of growing into a greater sense of self, becoming more comfortable in our own skins, as our male counterparts so often do, we feel at odds with ourselves. We feel ‘wrong’ in our own bodies, constantly aware of new lines on our faces, our rounded bellies that have expanded to hold the miracle of life, bottoms and knees that have lost the natural war against gravity. It would be pure bliss to ‘forget’ – to return to the freedom of an unselfconscious childhood. To return from a wild ride in the park with sticks in our hair and our chubby knees popping out from our shorts and skirts. To simply, not care. To eat icecream and undo that top button so we can feel comfortable. To throw away our underwire and pushup bras that give us back and shoulder aches so we can just be ourselves, big or small or in between. Remember that feeling? Remember not caring what you looked like? I do… and that freedom was truly beautiful.